Breaking Up Is difficult to digest

So, its been a year since I updated this blog. ...

Time flies so fast that I can never reliazed thousand things already happened in my life. Within that period I was living happily, contented, although work keeps me busy all the time. My mind was occupied with so many things that I also forgot that i aged another year.
Thanks goodness craws feet did not appear in my face. Something that I am very thankful about. I will never forgive myself though if that's happen because I know I am taking good care of my appearance no matter how busy I am. There's no excuses, even when I felt to tired and wornout at the end of the day I always make sure that I clean my face, dab a moisturiser and massage it gently.
Well enough for the aging topic nobody wants to look awfull anyway....

This blog will never be updated if I did not experienced the most traumatic event in my life...Well i'm talking about relationship.
Maybe many of you has already experienced this but those of you who read this might give me a bit of advice how to overcome this easily.

I meet this guy through one of the friendly site on the internet. He lives in my country, [I work overseas now]. Means he is my countrymen speaks the same language eat the same food knows the places i've been too. Generally speaking we connect in so many things.
We started as a chatmate over ym, he gives me daily dosage of care, kindness,support. He makes me laugh with his silly made up stories, he laugh at my jokes. He gave assurances that everything will be ok If I tell him a story about my workload, pain ,disgustment to others.

He would leave offline messages if I dont see him online, He would send me emails...even if its just a simple hi and hello. By reading that I know deep in my heart that this guy really cares for me. We started to talk about relationship soon after knowing him. He told me that he really wants to know me more and that gives me a hint that this guy is really into me. In an instant I felt that I could connect with this guy spiritually and emotionally.

Everyday, except the weekend during his worktime we talk over at ym...thank goodness for this wonderful work of intellegence called the yahoo messenger....thousands or maybe billions of people use it as a way of communication everyday 24 hours.

We hit it off after few months of chatting, our daily topic includes the weather, the traffic in manila, the fare hike, drivers hike, his projects ,his travels in the past, told me stories about Tokyo Japan, his work stint in Uzbekistan, his experienced there the people, the Russians that he meet, the curry in India, the Indian people. I have a daily dosage of stories and that keeps us connected. I never fet bored talking to him there's always a new topic or sometimes rewinded those stories that he told me in the past. Well, I did not mind talking it over and over because that how makes us connected.

I begin to fall in love with this guy around October last year 2007. I really felt weird if we dont talk in one day. I felt sick in the stomach thinking ohh how can he forgot me, how can he didnt go online? Didnt he miss me? Or is there something happened to him? I was wondering the whole time he didnt appear online. Only to be informed after few days that he was sick and he didnt go to work, and there are also time that he has to be on his project site to supervise his projects personally. And sometimes there was this non stop meetings specially if they have to rush one project to meet the deadlines.... Oh deadlines I heard that all the time....Oh how silly I am ....
We do not communicate on the phone, texting is once in a blue moon. He lives in the Philippines I work in Singapore.

We celebrate Christmas away from each other, he celebrated hid with his family, I celebreated mine with friends... we exchange e-cards...we said enjoy your christmas to each other ending I love you very much. Take care and see you online next year. He has a long weekend over the Christmas. Me too has a long weekend in singapore ,didnt have to work.so I spend my time reading,watching tv, surfing the internet, cleaning my place, rearranging lots of things that gets on my way, and yes photography...I do love photography its one of my best hobby and I am very passionate about it.

Then came 2008...then there he was again we chatted as usual exchanging stories how we spend christmas apart. He said he had a very low key Christmas day. Spend time with his family ( he is married and I knew about it) He fixed stuff in his house, helped to clean the house and backyard and those sort of things.

I was planning to go home on the summer. He wanted me to go home immediately because he wanted to meet me personally. We've been chatting for a long time , we know there is connection between us. We talk about lust, about sex , about everything. We knew we connected in so many ways. We planned to meet, we both are very excited that at last we can touch each other and feel each other. Me miss each other everyday, I know he loves me the way I love him. I can feel that deep in my heart. And I trusted my feeling, I trusted him. When He said he loves me very much I beleive that. I was inlove and I was blindedly inlove. Who cares if this man is married, Who cares if he sleeps with his wife. The most important to me is that we love each other, we care for each other. He dated me yes he dated me virtually over the internet. We were in the beach, watching the sunset, we dined in the restaurant near the beach, we listen to the music...smiling to each other, joking together and laughing together. With all that I felt contented and happy. We make love virtually, not sure how we did it but we both felt satisfied after...and there was even laughter after it he said he was exhuasted efter that lovemaking. He promised he will do more and perform even better in person. So he asked me to come home immediately.
I was happy inlove...what a nice feeling. I think I will live forever and stay youthful and contented and happy. I am glowing everyday like a showered flower.

We exhanged photos in he past. He looks very charming, not a Brad Pitt like but for me he was the most handsome guy I ever meet. A day before valentines day I gave him a photo of mine, a nude one without my face [for a more mystery effect]. I am a photographer and I do like to experiment on photos. I gave him my best shot, lustfull pose and all. He was very thrilled when I gave him and immediately wanted me on the spot. I can imagine what will happen if I meet him after work hours on that day. Me may be ended in a hotel room and shugged each other nonestop for hours. He begged me to have my holidays in February but i said we have to wait till April. I have workloads to do and I cant have my holiday just like that. So we both waited patiently , yearning and excited. We made plan to to meet on the firts day of my arrival, he said he will come to fetch me at the airport. He jokingly suggest if I its ok for me not to wear panties so he can feel me. I was burnt of excitement. We have a good laugh about it, he said he can't make it to the hotel room, so maybe can we start in his car on the way to the hotel? I know its just a joke but I am beginning to think oh yeah why not.. Shall i try that I never experienced that in my life. It must be fun and exciting. Hmm ok....let me think. I was smiling everytime i remember about that joke.

I went back home for a holiday [at last] last April. And as planned he came to fetch me from the airport. This time we made sure we stay connected thru texting... I sent him few text before I depart I said to him dont answer back, im just informing him about my whereabouts. Will send him a text immidiately after the plane land in the Philippine soil.
So everything went well according to what we planned. I sent him a text right after the plane touched down the airport runway. He immidiately answered, he was on his way just wait for him in case he comes late. There was a bit of traffic on his way. As soon as I cleared from the immigration I sent him a text once more to inform that I am outside now waiting for him to come and get me. Five minutes later here he comes on a metallic blue car.

He stopped right in front of me...and he comes out from the car and say HI to me. I said hi with a smile my heart was pounding heavily but tried to calm down. I felt nervous but I played it cool. I know my nerve is full of excitement. He put my luggage on his car boot. I watched him as he loaded them, men he was strong. One of my luggage weighed 40 kilos and here is this guy carried it like a cotton wool. Well, I am a bit exagerated here. We kissed passionately inside tha car..it was long and tender, very loving feeling. He said well at last we meet, something we are excited about. He joked at me if im wearing a panties I said YES...

We went down straight to the Bay..as he promised to show me around Manila Bay before we had our dinner and before we head down to a hotel. It's been a long time since I went to Manila Bay so I am very excited to see it again . I wanted to catch the sunset so I can take a photo of it.
We reached the place on time , I manage to take a few shots of the sunset and took a photo of him as well. I took about 2 photos of him as a soveigner...[that photo of him became the subject of another story later].

He took my photo too as my soveigner on that place, we did not have photo together because I did not want to entrust my camera to other. We dined in that place after a quick stroll of the seaside. Not much has change it is still the place I've know. Honestly, someone dated me there in the past year when I was still working in Manila. I can still remember who that guy was, but that was a history.

Soon after we finish our dinner we head down to the hotel. I know both of us has a burning desire to feel and touch each other in the privacy of a hotel room. That ride to the hotel was the longest ride in my life....with all the desire, the excitement I can't wait to feel and have this guy all over me. I wanted him so badly, i wanted him NOW . The traffic is killing me.
Soon after we entered the room, we kissed passionately, long and tender and wet. He was a very masculine guy exactly how i wanted. I have a very great desire on this guy.We touched each other, very passionately, i love how he touched me all over. I felt loved, I felt pamapered, I felt secured, I felt soooooooo happy . I am so inlove with this guy.
It was a very memorable night. Exactly what he promised to me. He did his job very well , excellent performance ,I gave him a 5 star.
He sent me off at the bus terminal the next morning to catch my bus home. I have to travel 3 hours to get to my hometown.
My holiday is just 10 days. We decided to meet up again before I go back to Singapore. Spending my time with my family is enjoyable but my mind is with him. We communicate daily thru text.
We planned for another night together before i leave the country. I was excited, I wish the day will gone so quickly so I can be with him again........[to be continued]